Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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