it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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