I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
