just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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