For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
