Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
