So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
