I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
