We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
