dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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