I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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