If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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