Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
