i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
