I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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