I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
