Small penises have feelings too.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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