Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
