Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
