...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
