I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
