Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
