even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
