Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
