I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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