Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
