I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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