The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You are a genius and a whore.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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