ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
