even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
