thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
