My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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