Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
