Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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