Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
