I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
