Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The adults are the big ones right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
