Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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