I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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