he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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