after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
