Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
