After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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