my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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