I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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