i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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