Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
