I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
