sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
