Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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