its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
