dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
